Journey to the Center of the Body - Week Ten
By Joey De La Cruz
T-72 Friday, July 30 – T-63 Sunday, August 7
This was a wild adventure with the boys. I put a lot of toxins in my body this weekend for a very exclusive bachelor party up in the mountains. The surroundings of the woods and the air and the vista really had a calming effect on my MBS (Mind, Body, Soul). Moderation is the key to excess. I haven’t seen the boys since October when I left CO. Seeing them again, playing and drinking and chillin’ with them was magical recharging time. The bonds of friendship are special. And it really was a special moment to be kids again. It’s going to be at least three months before I see some of them again. Longer for others. I’m curious to hear the effects, specifically, of binge drinking on the body. I’m also aware that sometimes I need to cut loose and go with it, but I’m also sure that this activity, the toxins in my body BLOCK my higher-self’s subtle abilities through spirit and soul to connect and interact with the Universe. But during this trip, the universe, the spirits of two mothers who have already passed on, spoke to us on this trip. My good friend, J5, spread some of his mother’s ashes up at the cabin, we got a message from both our mothers an hour later in the form of a massive double rainbow hailstorm which I’m convince our mothers were present for as they are present in every breath we take. Our mothers are alive and well and aware of the world around them, aware of what their boys are up to. I’m beginning to see how in a clearer manner how my ‘body’ extends beyond my eyesight into all the atoms of creation. Indeed, my body is literally atoms, the term ‘body’ no longer corresponds to the typical old-world definition. My body Is now merging into the ethereal realm.
BREAKING: FEAR. Gut check. Evolution. Reality slapping you across the face either by your own stupidity, lack of judgement, sheer chance, fate or luck, evolution finds a way. When lives are at stake, it becomes very REAL. The physical journey we are in and its fragility is exemplified by its beauty. The consequences for your action in this life are very real. And with that great power comes great responsibility. A new world emerges, one where the shine of invisibility so often worn, becomes a layer thinner. In essence: know where you’re shooting. There is always a choice available, the choice to say no. To choose the possibility of safety over the impulse simply to shoot. Gut wrenching regret and disappointment exist. I felt that on the journey into the center of my body and those feels were deep. Thank God for your protection. With the grace of a wound, comes the grace of healing. But indeed, this moment changed me. A fear that cuts this deep leads to a radical shift in perspective.
T-65 Tuesday, August 4
Nerves. Butterflies. Love. Pachamama. I feel love all throughout my body and soul. My entire being is awake and alive in a glow I’ve never felt before. True Love. This is an emotion that changes many aspects of the how and whys of my physical/emotional/mental/spiritual. This was first discovered within, but now has become physically manifest in the exterior world. Sophia. She has ventured deeper into my body than any other person. She sees me. All of me. It’s so rare that someone has the ability and desire, the discernment to really see a person. Past our mistakes, past the exposed exterior of our snap judgments, assumptions and surface level understandings. It’s like looking at the blue sky in the day, calling it blue, and never even sticking around to see if there’s anything beyond it. Hidden in the darkness within us. Most don’t take the time to see past the bright light of obvious to see the subtle reality beyond. This love that I’m feeling is causing strange sensations in my body and wild thoughts in my mind.
BREAKING: Fear of the loss of love. Uncertainty. What if it becomes more intense? Love bonds. Love builds. Love is the most powerful force in the mystery. Butterflies in my stomach. Images of kissing, bodies intertwined together. The union of two people, two energies, sets of ideas, goals, visions, desires. The union of masculine & feminine. Of two souls who recognize each other as the divine beings they are. Speaking, sharing and loving not from a black hole of lack, or want, but from a deep abundant reservoir of self-love, self-respect, self-knowledge, which leads to a relationship based on GIVING. Not on taking. We receive. We do not take. When one person if full, and another empty, the understanding of who and what and how we really are, it becomes clear that true love is a self-less giving, because the giver is overflowing in abundance of self-love. This sharing of love, which is now affecting me on all my levels. Warrants further study and application, and of course a bit of abandon. So, I intend to get out of my own way and see where love takes me.
T- 63 Thursday, August 6
This evening I was up in Topanga Canyon with some friends for a sacred fire. We prayed to the four directions, to the earth and to father sky. During this fire, as we gave intention to the fire and made offerings of tobaccos, chocolate, palo santo and burnt heirlooms whose time had come there was another aspect to this sacred fire that played out strangely and intriguingly on my body. At one point, Monica, as I stood with arms out, took out a small bowl, a mystical singing bowl, and as I stood there eyes closed, she hit the bell with a wooden mallet and as the vibrations rung out she moved it over my body. The sound changed subtlety as she moved it around my body. Ringing the bell constantly as she moved it from the top of my head, out over my arms and then down my sides towards my feet past my legs. I have heard of sound therapy, and Nikola Tesla said once that if you wish to understand the nature of the universe, think in terms of frequency, sound and vibration. The sound changed ever so slightly as it traversed the areas of my body. Curious to know more about what was happening here.
Then she brought out the sage, and a little rattle, an instrument that was used in ceremonies of the Mexican people. As the sage smoke and rattle passed over my body, I literally got chills. My skin reacted and goosebumps appeared on my skin. What caused this? Was it an internal reaction to the smell of the smoke? Or was it a reaction to the energy of the smoke itself? Could it have been a reaction to the intention of the person holding the sage, in this case Monica, as she blessed and prayed over me? We don’t always get answers to all things sacred, and many things are often labeled sacred because we don’t have a ‘modern’ understanding of what is actually happening. Is there an energetic element in the smoke that is relating to me on some unseen yet acutely felt field between the two of us? I know sage has been used for millennia as a ceremonial element, for what reasons? Is there a metaphysical element that operates on a spiritual/emotional level that is just outside my conscious awareness but still registers on a cellular level? I know my cells reacted to both the music of the bowl and the energy of the smoke in some fashion, so what is really going on here? More research and reflection will be needed to get to the bottom of this bodily mystery.
T-62 Friday, August 7
Tai Chi: It felt powerful. I could feel more of the energy of my prana through my hands as I made the movements and the motions. The energy extended from my hands out to my arms, and the surrounding space around me. It reminded me of the same chills and reaction from the smoke and sound from yesterday. I am really amazed by this feeling, the movements corresponding to the flow of energy within and beyond my body. I could feel my third eye activate as well, it felt tingly, and awake. I know there is so much more happening than my conscious mind can grasp, so I will continue to dive deeper into the cosmic realm of subtle energy.